Cfo Gifts

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.'

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

'I tripled my salary to give you all a good benchmark.'

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

'Very creative, though it doesn't quite compare with what we're doing over in accounting.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'The CFO wants it as soon as impossible.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Ted's ability to multitask was key to his firms, success.'

'Forty billion is a generous offer for our company, but we'd feel a lot better about it, if you didn't plan on financing it by putting it on your Visa.'

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'And this I take it is the bookkeeping department.'

'I love the name. Now that we've gone public, what do you think we ought to do?'

'Inform their C.E.O., C.F.O. and C.O.O. that their proposal is D.O.A..'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Hello, I'm Dr. Jones...assisting me today will be the hospital's CFO, Mr. Peters."

"Well, according to the books, you've got too much overhead"

"The folks upstairs would like to see some details on this maneuver of yours."

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

"New from accounting, sir. Two and two is four again."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

'Miss Perkins, send in a scapegoat.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'Formerly, the office of the CFO.'

'Who says we vote ourselves a huge pay rise, then spend the rest of the AGM practicing our humble expressions?'

'And, lastly, I'd like to thank Chuck for his years of service. He'll be leaving the company next month to spend more time with his cash and cash equivalents.'

'Well, at least we're ahead of our competitors in the number of CFOs we've had in the past year.'