Family Cfo Gifts

'Maybe this isn't a good time to ask Mom for money.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"#Win!"

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'