Centennial Birthday Gifts

Happy 100th Birthday

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"One year closer to college!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Pearly King and Queen

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

Do you think I'm sixty?

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

"Careful."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

'Gentlemen, a toast to our 4th fishing trip this year. Perhaps, one day, we'll remember to bring poles, in addition to beer.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

Aging Problems

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

Attic of hopes and dreams...

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"It seemed a given that my bucket-list should include an actual bucket."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."