Cemetery Gifts

He Watched Sports

"It's so nice just to be dead for the summer."

George Upton...who burned the candle at both ends.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

The last word.

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Dead Man's Handel

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

A signaller directing pallbearers

Bizarre sights.

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Undertaker's Flower Box.

"You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to meet you."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

Too Much SOY

'I tend to bury stuff.'

At the funeral of the amazing Voltar.

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."