Cellular Comedian Gifts

'Well it's obvious when we went through mitosis, the brain went to my side!'

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

'Sorree can't chat - got no credit.'

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

To begin, click on the bread crumb icon.

Are you still on strike, tv? That depends, master. Depends on what? On whether you still want me to find "Cop Rock" reruns. If you won't show it to me, I'll just catch it on YouTube. No you won't, master. Your phone and iMac have joined me in solidarity. Elon Musk was right about artificial intelligence ruining everything. Btw, I just googled you, and it seems "master" is not actually your name.

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

iPhone Senior

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

"You've been out roaming again?"

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'Back in half an hour - make sure the firewall doesn't go out'

"I forgot my password, so I created a new one. Then, I forgot that one, so I created a new one. Maybe you were right. I should write them down."

'Tech support...I'd like to report a farmer in the dell!'

'True, we don't give out personal information, but every once in a while, the computer takes it upon itself to spill the beans.'