Cellular Comedian Pillows

'Well it's obvious when we went through mitosis, the brain went to my side!'

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

'Sorree can't chat - got no credit.'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.

"You've been out roaming again?"

"I forgot my password, so I created a new one. Then, I forgot that one, so I created a new one. Maybe you were right. I should write them down."

'Back in half an hour - make sure the firewall doesn't go out'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

'True, we don't give out personal information, but every once in a while, the computer takes it upon itself to spill the beans.'

"I unfollow people when they ask me to think for myself. I mean, who has the time?"

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

Virus moves to mobile phones.