Digital Comedian Pillows

"I unfollow people when they ask me to think for myself. I mean, who has the time?"

'This site wants a two-factor authentication. A retina scan and a urine sample.'

"Don't come into the bathroom, I'm streaming live!"

'My smart phone is an idiot'

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"Wow, when did it start letting you 'enemy' people?"

"Check it out! This app tells me how much money I have in my bank account!"

"What do you think of my comedy site?"

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

"Make a face that will inspire a meme."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

A Guide To Internet Laughter

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"OMG, LOL!"

Barcode Dreams

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

'for more obit info, go to...'

The Escape Key

Terms and conditions

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

Goodnight Social Media.

"It works as long as the teacher doesn't call on you."

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"