Cellular Jokester Pillows

The Cellular Bulletin Board: 'Bifurcate! Now that I've got your attention.'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

"Not now, Oliver."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I think you should hire me for my vast software knowledge. . . and then pay for me to go learn software."

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Cosmonaughty

'The problem seems to be in the memory bank.'

A fisherman reacts as he sees a drone flying over the lake with a fishing line into the water below.

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'I was told it required a log-in...'

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

Seances of the future

"Come on, dear...you can't blame everything on Russian hackers."

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

The First Man to Ride the Moon