Cellphone Chatter Champion Pillows

I was going to tell this guy to shut up, but is conversation is actually more entertaining than the movie.

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Couples' therapy

WHO checklist

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

Rock star uses phone on stage: 'Hang on Mom, I'm just putting you on speakerphone.'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

'Are you in here tonight?'

Hot Line

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'HEY,no Tongue!'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

'I'll slap the both of you if you don't knock off the chit chat.'

"I was like 'OMG,' and she was all 'No way', and I was like 'Yes, way', and she was...uh-oh, gotta run."

Dadonomics

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

Small Talk Outlet

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

'I booze, I schmooze and then I snooze.'

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."