Phone Chat Champion Pillows

"Oh, nothing too exciting, Donna. I burned the toast last Wednesday, and on Saturday Jim split an infinitive. What's new with you?"

'I'm in the bog!'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Couples' therapy

WHO checklist

Rock star uses phone on stage: 'Hang on Mom, I'm just putting you on speakerphone.'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'It's true -- we DO communicate better in a chat room.'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I'm upstairs right now. On weekends and holidays, I go downstairs."

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

'HEY,no Tongue!'

Dadonomics

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

Small Talk Outlet

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

'I booze, I schmooze and then I snooze.'

"Fruit salad? Count me in!"

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

"You're so easy to talk to - not everyone is such a good listener."

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

'I'm going to restate what he just said - especially the part about my being a good listener.'