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Benedict Cumberbatch

"I think he was a celebrity."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Lesser known greek gods,

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Applause

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Bryan Ferry

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Tom Hanks

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."