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'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

'He's supposed to be the greatest escapologist ever to be on television.'

"This next song is called - 'I want to kill you'."

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

An audience with an audience!

'Cheap seats!'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

'Any more hecklers out there? No? OK. Hey, what's the deal with prison food?'

Applause

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

"This one's for me."

Street musician: 'Opening in VEGAS next week'.

Loreen-Euphoria-ESC in Baku

"We heard you were dying in here."

"Can you folks in the back hear me?"

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Tedeschi Trucks

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Glastonbury. After.

Zombie standup

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

At the rock concert...

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Theatre Crowd

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."