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"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Night of the Latkes

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

How I met your mother

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

TV Chef Cooking Range

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

Alphabet soup

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Guy Fieri

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

The Emeril Isle

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

Here's one I made earlier.