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Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Night of the Latkes

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Keith Floyd.

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

How I met your mother

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Alphabet soup

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

TV Chef Cooking Range

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

The Emeril Isle

Cooking without Jamie Oliver

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

Guy Fieri

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

My Cauldron Rules

Here's one I made earlier.