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Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"States of tofu"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

6 Brothers Falafel

Chez Nous Menu

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Cookbooks

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Would you like some wings?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

Wok. Don't Wok.

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Hot Pie Therapy

"Is the MSG local?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.