Celebrity Chef Aficionado T-Shirts

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

How I met your mother

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

TV Chef Cooking Range

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"Linguini for two?"

'listen - it's haute cuisine, coming up the river from New Orleans.'

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"I don't like it."

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

" 'Chicken Vindaloo for the Hindu Soul' is but the tip of the iceberg in our initial strategy of global expansion."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

Looks like I do dishes again.