Celebrity Chef Aficionado T-Shirts

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'You're going to be in heaven. Cindy makes the most amazing carrot cakes!'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

How I met your mother

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

TV Chef Cooking Range

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

"Linguini for two?"

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

'listen - it's haute cuisine, coming up the river from New Orleans.'

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

"My compliments to Mummy!"

Cooking without Jamie Oliver

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

Looks like I do dishes again.

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

Emeril Lagasse

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

" 'Chicken Vindaloo for the Hindu Soul' is but the tip of the iceberg in our initial strategy of global expansion."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"