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It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Will work for Food Network.

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

Mary Berry

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

Here's one I made earlier.

Gordon Ramsay

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

Anton Mosimann

The Picture of Mary Berry

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

Nigella Lawson

Master Chef