Tv Chef Devotee T-Shirts

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Will work for Food Network.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

"When did they add this channel?!"

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

Here's one I made earlier.

Mary Berry

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

Master Chef

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Gordon Ramsay

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

The Picture of Mary Berry

Anton Mosimann

Nigella Lawson

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

Nigella Lawson.

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

'It's indigestion due to your lifestyle, you're watching too many T.V. cookery shows.'

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

Do we have to watch Gordon Ramsey flambeing swordfish steaks in red wine while we eat our frozen fish cakes and instant mash?