Celebrity Relationship Analyst Pillows

"Mixed marriages never work out. An 'A-lister' should never marry a 'B-lister'."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Awkward First Dates

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Relationships.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."