Celebrity News Aficionado Pillows

Tittle and tattle.

"Wow! I had no idea anyone gave a t**s!"

Oligarchy

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Man Reading Laptop.

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Fear of news.

Little Red Riding Carpet

'...Next election voters will have a choice of democrat, republican and 'generic'.'

Tom Hanks

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Putin's Mutual Destruction

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

Joe Biden

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

"I'd leave Redford for George Clooney in a hartbeat."

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

Hang in There Democracy!

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Hollywood Breakup

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

Scientist seen on loch.

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

News on TV: 'At last, some good news from Iraq...Saddam's chamber of torture is being converted into a chamber of commerce.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'It has been revealed that a senior politician will criticise something in a speech. Later they will criticise the opposite of something, just in case.'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

Dictators Consuming the World

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'