Celebrity News Junkie Pillows

'Did you hear? Jordan has split up with Alex Reid.' - 'She said he was 'obsessed with fame', apparently.' - 'No, no... she said he was...'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Trump pardons

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Away with the warmonger!"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

The economy.

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

Difference of Opinion

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Studies show foods work miracles!

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

CIA report

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'