Celebrity Gossip Aficionado Pillows

'Bloody paparazzi' - 'I know, it's at least 40 minutes since I rang them!'

'We interrupt this program for new pictures of Brad and Angelina's baby.'

"I read the judge your TV credits, but you're not a big enough celebrity he could let off!"

'Well, sure! That's different!'

'So much for high definition TV!'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'This device helps me determine what my dog is thinking. He thinks Bob Barker should mind his own business.'

'These celebrity divorces are always a messy business.'

'Five iron.'

Tiger Woods.

'I don't think I can face coming into the office today . . . Jordan has split up with Alex Reid. . . It's like Tom and Nicole all over again... I've been in floods of tears since I woke up.'

Tom Hanks

On-screen, she was the idol of millions. Off-screen, she was just a bitch.

"Why are these reality show stars so famous? They're sneaky! They're conniving! They're evil!"

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

"I can't see that relationship lasting...!"

"This journey wasn't necessary."

"I'm running for congress to be a media celebrity. If you want a legislator, vote for a lobbyist!"

"Lenny, you've been called the king of sleaze, the biggest jerk in the universe, a big sack of garbage. But tell us: Who's the real Lenny Lewis?"

"Notice how they grow away from the incandescent-light source and towards the malicious celebrity gossip."

"I'd leave Redford for George Clooney in a hartbeat."

Amber Herd

Zeitgeist Final Four

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'That's $19.95 for tapes, $29.95 for CDs, or for $99.95, O. J. will visit you personally to explain how he didn't do it!'

The Little Book of Irritating Television Celebrities

'That dog makes fourteen thousand dollars a week. Doesn't that tell you anything?'

Clooney Cloning Machine

Sheen-clown party!

'30 days? Isn't that term rather harsh under celebrity law?'

'As her punishment, Martha Stewart will have to share a cell with Oscar Madison, the slob of 'The Odd Couple'...'

"I think we should all be thankful that Bill Clinton never had an inappropriate relationship with Joyce Maynard."