Celebrity Aspirant Gifts

"I'm kind of considered the Jimmy Page of the clarinet world."

Uptown Escort Service...you can be a celebrity: Entourages available.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

Jeff Beck.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Directors chairs on movie set with Model, Actress, and Whatever on them

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

So close... Yet so far.

"I'm not sure I'd want fifteen minutes of fame. Mum would only follow it with fifteen minutes of criticism."

"When I grow up I'd like to model for a pasta company."

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."

'I was only famous for 14 and a half minutes.'

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

Always stick to the script.

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

"I consider it an honor just to be sitting with someone who's thinking of becoming an actress."

'Jeff! You need to keep one foot on the ground!'

Spin Dentistry...'Hollywood, here I come...'

"I know I'm good looking, but am I good looking enough to move to California?"

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Pygmy giant squid

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

'Are you actively seeking celebrity status?'

How come nothing good ever happens to me? Like what? Like getting taken by a foreign government then rescued. I want to get a book contract, to be part of the news cycle, to have him talk about me. Whom? Speak my name, Anderson Cooper! The great one.