Celebrating A New Baby Gifts

'She blogged her first word today.'

'Thank you...and now could I trouble you for a ham on rye?'

'Good night darling...sweet nightmares.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Santa Claus's Mail

baby sweetcorn...

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'