Celebrant Gifts

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Tom Hanks

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"We fear no more for today is our Independence Day!"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Joe Henry

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."