Celebrant Gifts

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Cow Pinatas

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Jack Gleeson

"We must rise up and claim our rightful place at the table of society! We must never rest until we are given the respect and dignity we deserve! Chica power!"

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Tom Hanks

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

George Clooney Machine

Joe Henry

'Huh. Where'd all my birthday decorations go???'

"We fear no more for today is our Independence Day!"

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

John Stride