Caulking Champion Gifts

'Yeah, there's a gentleman here who says he's come to caulk where others have been too afraid to caulk.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Susie knew she could rely on big Ted for comfort.

Personal conker trainer.

"Full disclosure—I really need this hug."

Emotional Bling

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

An angry barbecue.

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

'Your imagination was so powerful he became real. It happens to me all the time.'

"We could have saved time and just served the served the charcoal briquettes."

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

"Wait -- can I be enormous spoon tonight?"

'It's not global warming. It's 'Hot Flashes'.'

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

school kids playing conkers

Our Summer Without Dave

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'And what can you bring to the party?'

Knight of the sandcastle.

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

'Do you have a reservation?'

'I got this one from my son who made it at camp.'

"What are we doing today?"

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

First Place Layabout

'I plucked myself. It reduces drag in the water.'