Adulting Champion Gifts

"Please, Miss, can I go empty my colostomy bag?"

Rex grits his teeth, puts on his big boy pantaloons and gears up for the day ahead.

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

Not much money, glory, or praise

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

Old Karate Master

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Where Are They Now?'

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'I remember when your dad still had a full mane and his own canines... back in his wild days.'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Fathers are Heroes

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

Other People

Skateboard Olympics.

"Awake and doing great"

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

How to injury yourself as an adult

'I came untucked.'