Catty Congregation Gifts

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Could I ask just one question?"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"That's our new church mascot."

'Actually, my mom was the first to notice he'd lost that new boyfriend smell!'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

"No thank you - The people who live here, worship me. . !!"

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

Hair Style Menu

"I'm incredibly happy - must be the medication speaking."

The Great Catsby.

"I'm just going to te hairdressers. They've got some new gossip in."

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

"It doesn't matter. They give us the same food no matter where we are."

'He may be loaded, Tammy, but he's still a dirt-eating worm.'

'I know exactly what you mean...men are such hot heads!'

"It's so nice to be home, mum, and have unrestricted use of the telephone again"

"Your mother never goes back on her word,son-just on and on and..."

'Lettuce pray!'

"Due to a breakdown in communication, 'Nilla Wafers' will be used for the communion service."

Fortunately the Pastor didn't realize it, but his wife's new 'mod' hat was actually a clever disguise for two canisters of coffee.

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."