Catholic Insiders Gifts

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

"National security adviser"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Dad, why does a huge beast like that let such a small bully control it?"

Fiscal cliff

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

The Pope

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

'I stopped paying attention to polls since a poll showed voters prefer someone who ignores the polls.'

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

'Frankly, I don't know if I feel like having a cup of coffee or trying to misappropriate some funds.'

The institute.

Early American Executive Washroom

GOP surprise.

"A new preacher. He still has that new car smell."

The Pi Advantage

". . . 5. . . 4. . . 3. . . 2 . . . 1. . . Ok that's enough time infront of the painting. You may go in and see him now."

'Wait, you mean there's only one Pope at a time? In the whole world!?'

"Let's just issue last year's annual report and see if anyone notices."

'We finally found the source of all those wikileaks!'

"We can't even admit we work here."

Conclave and God.

GOP tent door

". . . and yours is the most special of the special interests I cater to."

"And now... the latest dope from Washington..."

'You were in the mafia? Sorry, admission denied - on orders of the Pope.'

The Darling Buds of Theresa May.

"I'm woried that our company motto makes us look shifty."

Junior Ministers in the Cuts Department would often moonlight, looking for unturned stones.

"The main problem facing us to to make hypocrisy not sound like hypocrisy."