Catastrophe Kid Gifts

Mrs. O'Leary's cow. 'Why can't she come out and play, Mrs. O'Leary?''

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

Venice Floods

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

"Well? Have I hit it yet?"

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

"Uh-oh...I fear this means trouble at the stock exchange!"

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

Cluster Catastrophe

"The weatherman is always wrong. It'll probably end up being meteor showers."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

The end is nigh.

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

'Landsbanki collapses in October 2008 and affects thousands of investors,' - 'The 'Eyjafjallajokull' volcano erupts in April 2010 causing massive disruption to international airspace,' - 'The question you have to ask is, 'Did sacking Kerry Katona,,,'

Of all the days to sleep in!

"Hygge for the end of the world"

How's the wedding planning going? Oh no. Invitations late, caterer not booked, flowers all wrong, dressdoesn'tfitatall. Bride down! Hate the cake.

'Can he call you back? He's in the middle of his morning catastrophe briefing.'

Jared's 'Crayon On Wall' collection.