Cat Tactician T-Shirts

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

'I tried to organize a stampede, but everybody has their own agenda.'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

The Use of Cavalry

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

Kosovo.

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"You just had to swipe at that fish."

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"Now we have all your arrows!"

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

'Cap'n, why's the enemy fire so accurate after we deployed the smoke screen?'

A cat tamer

"Stay sharp, wait for my signal and do not, no matter how tempting, pet that cat on the stomach!"