Cat Storytellers Gifts

"When I was your age, I had to trudge 20 feet through thick shag carpet to a scratching post!"

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Mittens is challenged by the string.

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Projectile hairballing."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"It's the dog."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Stop playing dumb, young man. I wasn't pulled out of a hat yesterday."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

101 uses of a dead cat: peg leg

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'Tarzan'

Pet Hobbies

"To stay in or not to stay in...."

"I kid you not, he shot that duck right over the middle of the lake and said 'fetch'! Do you have any idea how cold that water is?!"

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'Sometimes I think they understand every word we're saying.'

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

I tried thinking outside the box once. That was a big mistake!

"Well, team-sports are rather difficult to organise around here: Just keep practising your bilboqiet Darling..."

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

"You resume states, 'My only good quality is I purr'. Could you go into that a little more?"

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."