Cat Owner With A Twist Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: stool

101 uses of a dead cat: shoe scraper

'I wouldn't have brought the cat if I'd know he had to be naked too.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chimney sweep

101 uses of a dead cat: slingshot.

"The scratchpost is for the cat, the other one is for my son."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

Schrodinger's Black Box

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

Schrödinger and his cat

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

Cat medal presentations take a long time

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?"

"We should start wearing masks."

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

Puss in Heels

String Theory for Beginners.

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

The online yoga class was not without interruptions.

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

Cat on guitar

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"No thank you - The people who live here, worship me. . !!"

Cat to owner: 'Define 'affection'.'

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"