Cat Owner Humorist Pillows

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

"Nancy, could you schedule in some time for me to wildly run around my office for no reason?"

Cat Reunion

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Projectile hairballing."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"I hate it..."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

'The butler did it.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

101 uses of a dead cat: peg leg