Cat Humor Connoisseur Gifts

'Please forgive me. I'll never offend your dignity again!'

"Projectile hairballing."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

Cat Zoom Meeting

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'Oh no! That's not litter! It's quicksand!!'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

'Uh-oh, Ben's making his move on Goldie's food again.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Cat Lover's Leap.

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

"It's only the wind."

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

101 uses of a dead cat: peg leg

'You know, if you cleaned the litter box more often, you wouldn't have to wear the hazmat suit.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"The wings help. Now pick up the bowl and I'll chase it around the room a bit."

Cat Desk Organizers: In, Out, Eat, Sleep.

'Hmmm, the 27th you say... Yes, I'm away that day, so I guess it's OK for you to play...'

I tried thinking outside the box once. That was a big mistake!

'Couldn't you, and your ... your naked fur go sit somewhere else?'

"Oooh, look — a penny!"