Cat Comedic Genius Pillows

"Are you going to finish that? I'm auditioning for a 'That Cat Is Too Damn Fat' video."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Cat Reunion

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

"Projectile hairballing."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

"I hate it..."

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

Litter Tray Stonehenge

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

'I hate surprises!'

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

'I don't mind you singing, but I draw the line at your banjo playing.'

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Cat Lover's Leap.

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

Owner Rolls Out Red Carpet For Large Cat

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon