Cat Care Gifts

"He may have found his mittens, but he's lost all sense of propriety."

"Who are you kidding? You're all about small government until you get stuck in a tree."

I'm goin' on a spay-cation!

'If they didn't have on-site daycare, I wouldn't even be able to come to these meetings.'

'I have some pet peeves we need to discuss.'

'Don't you think you're spoiling Tiddles?'

"I can remember when there would have been a fire truck here in ten minutes, tops!"

A cat planning to use a garden as a toilet

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

Probability - if you have 5 cats, 4 will be asleep.

"...yes I just popped in to feed your cat and do a spot of vacuuming!"

'And when did you notice he wasn't his usual self Mrs. Bakston?'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

Antique Furniture

"Does the fool not realise who I am...?? I am GORDO - Destroyer of Worlds and I shall rip his soul apart...Hmmm...actually, that ball of wool looks like it needs punishing..."

The five most frequently used words....

"Unlike the case for dogs, the people that cats own don't grow to look like them. I mean, seriously, what human could look as good as this?"

"I've learned not to expect a lot of cooperation."

"CLEAN MY LITTER BOX!"

"He's down to his last three or four lives."

The cat's gift.

Fur balls are never wasted at our house...

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'You do have to feed it twice a day, but on the upside, it's self-cleaning.'

"The wings help. Now pick up the bowl and I'll chase it around the room a bit."

"I think we have a lurker, but I get the feeling he's not one of those passive observers."

Cat Yelp.

'With all of the petting I allow you to get rid of your stress, I get meat by-products?'

'We bought this for you on our romantic weekend because we know you've never been.'

101 uses of a dead cat: flower bed ornaments.

A day in the park

'In my book, any interrogation involving water constitutes torture.'

Sometimes he rubbed her the wrong way - which really rubbed her the wrong way.