Casual Work Gifts

Job centre - casual jobs; rotten, insecure low-paid jobs;dull, boring, repetitive jobs; Jobs that no-one in their right mind would consider.

"How should we divide the teams?"

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

"Don't worry. She usually breaks her fitness resolution within the month."

'I try to go to the office once-a-week just to see how I'm doing.'

Use it or lose it.

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."

'I'm making pot pie.'

"This is doing nothing for my abs."

A Flag in One

"We're just like one big happy family here."

I don't know much about Tennis...

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

Apathy international.

The Paula Ratcliffe: 'Think I might do the London Marathon next year.'

"Miss Holder, in the future, please refrain from using hearts in the place of dots."

'Once again, Stuart was heading the leaderboard at the office golf open'

Wine Shotput

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

"I stretch and do yoga every morning. I call it tying my shoes."

'Is my job performance review over yet?'

"I try to be royal without being regal."

"No, not this time. I'm on a glutton-free diet."

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

"Moist towelette to cleanse your palate?"

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

'I'll be in a little late getting to the office because it was a huge weekend in sports.'

Working from Home

"Please excuse Steve...he hates pretentiousness!"

Thousands of people gathered today to protest the nation's laws on marijuana, when suddenly everybody lost interest and ended up in a local Denny's.