Casual Job-goer Gifts

'Is my job performance review over yet?'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'He's very particular about how far we walk.'

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

Banana Yoga

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

Built and Built without a permit.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

Snail crossing

"Rum and coke...why, what do you drink on a fun run?"

"I've done nothing Instagrammable for months."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

Colin V Longshore Drift

'I try to go to the office once-a-week just to see how I'm doing.'

"Don't worry. She usually breaks her fitness resolution within the month."

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

'How many times have I told you to limber up before tailgating?'

Use it or lose it.

'Where's your other glove?'

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."

"We're just like one big happy family here."

"Are you projecting an unrealistic body image on me again?"

"Next bench is four steps."

Open Mic Nacht

"Year, I get a real workout with this exercise equipment. . . I'm constantly moving it out of my way!"

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

Luckily I hit the pin!