Casual Emailer Gifts

"I'm going to wind down with a glass of wine and a few e-mails."

"My email is down... talk to me."

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"Some e-mails just can't be ignored!"

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

Do your emails stand out from the rest?

"Are you sending emails or ZZZ mails?"

'Looks like another bad PR week for the company. The whole media team got burned in our last email blast."

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

Pavlov's Great Great Grandson's Dog