Casual Seller Gifts

No offense, but I'm eternally grateful to know that you stand no chance of ever passing on your genes. That's where you're wrong. I pass on my jeans at least once a year. What do you think Craigslist was invented for? Craigslist? Yeah. Whenever I get bored, I go on there and pass on my jeans. Sometimes I don't even charge anything. Tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying. I'm saying that site is full of people who'd like to get into my pants.

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"How should we divide the teams?"

A cat pours himself a gin and tonic.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

The Reaper's Arms

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

Snail Racing

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

Vinnie's Billiards: 'Heck of a break, Ron!'

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Wine at the Bar

'Maybe we could hold the wedding on 'Casual Friday'.'

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Getting old...

"Right, let the consumption of alcohol begin."

'I'll be home for dinner pretty soon, dear — I just stopped off to cleanse my palate.'

'We can't go on knocking it back like this - one of us must give it up, won't you!'

"I love people-watching."