Creative Emailer Gifts

Do your emails stand out from the rest?

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

I quilt therefore I am

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Direct Marketing...

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

Spam in Hell.

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

Target your message

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

Wordplay: Export.

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"It's been hell since you went into animation."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

Ladies reading a crochet pattern for amusement

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"