Casual Cohabiter Gifts

'We were divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Now we're just living together.'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'Anorak anoraks'.

'I bet you think I'm drinking tea...'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'At least I don't have his life.'

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

"Good night. Sleep quietly."

"After the truffle season peaks, we like to kick back and do a little clamming."

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

I think my girlfriend is moving in.

Colin V Longshore Drift

Ignorance and Bliss

90% of annoying habits are discovered after you start living together.

"You go right on snoring, doesn’t bother me one bit. Your snores are beautiful, do you know that? I love snoring…not like some people."

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

This week we've explored what might happen if there were a military draft. Hear what I say: How many soldiers died today? Now back to our regular programming. My iPad's shiny. My oil stocks are soaring.

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

"Your hogging the covers again."

'Watching the football.'

"Hey, look on the bright side, at least we're not wine coolers."

"Can I move in with you?"

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

"It's god's little get-back.... She had special haloes made for those who never put down the toilet seat."

'You go and take stacks of photos. I'm going to read and I'll look at them when we get back to England.'