Castle Lovers Gifts

Henry I of England

'Lower the drawbridge! We dropped our ball and the Barbarians want to help out!!'

'You never knew your father -- he came home drunk one night and fell into the moat.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"He's his own worst enemy."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

"Early model of baggage claim"

'How about a game of cards?'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'I think they're up to something.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

Medieval headlines.

Oh, the armor is state of the art

'The knights are drawing closer'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

"Oh no! - Here comes the National Trust again!!"

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."