Castle Guide T-Shirts

"Security is lax on this side."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"You go on in, I’m just going to catch up with the moon for a few minutes."

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'Now that's an afro!'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

ET Mishap

Butterflies

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

Tourists and their Pets.

"He's his own worst enemy."

Birds of the Pacific Northwest: Belted Kingfisher

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"Early model of baggage claim"

"What the hell took so long?"

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"We mustn't interfere, Larry. Just let nature take its course."

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'One of the first rules, kids, be sure to watch where you step.'

"I love the things I say when I’m in nature."

Mount Rushmore Down Under

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I don't think you can call two ants a 'bug safari'."

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Fall on a desert island

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"