Castle Guide T-Shirts

"Security is lax on this side."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"You go on in, I’m just going to catch up with the moon for a few minutes."

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'Now that's an afro!'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

ET Mishap

Butterflies

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

Tourists and their Pets.

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"Early model of baggage claim"

"What the hell took so long?"

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

Birds of the Pacific Northwest: Belted Kingfisher

"We mustn't interfere, Larry. Just let nature take its course."

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

'One of the first rules, kids, be sure to watch where you step.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Childrens Books. This pop-up book would make a great 3-D movie!

"I don't think you can call two ants a 'bug safari'."

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Mount Rushmore Down Under

Fall on a desert island

"I love the things I say when I’m in nature."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"