Casting Calls Pillows

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Casting in the swamp.

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Casting Director

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

"He thinks that if they really want to smash the stereotype then he should be a shoe-in for the next Bond."

'You're just not right for Naked Ninja Nuns...you can act!'

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'You say you've been hibernating in Alaska for the past 25 years. Do you think you can drive an SUV up the side of a mountain?'

And the die is cast!