Casting Call Pillows

'You've got the part!'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

Charlotte Rampling

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

Casting in the swamp.

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Casting Director

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

Hannibal "I turned down the part of one of his meals."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"You're right, Son. This movie did have a great cast."

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."

'You're just not right for Naked Ninja Nuns...you can act!'

"He thinks that if they really want to smash the stereotype then he should be a shoe-in for the next Bond."