Carpet Critiquer Gifts

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'To much orange.'

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

'Is it me or do these new led street lights wash out the reds and yellows?'

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

Sick Exhibitionist

"Eww! -- Is that the only color bandage you have?"

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

Silicon Valley Bank fails, who else?

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

'I love an empty canvas...especially yours...'

'Everybody's a critic'

Forth Bridge finally fully painted.

Grade 'A' Grass.

'Thanks to me, you can save the money for the cat food from now on and put it into more reasonable investments!'

"A cat wouldn't answer."

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

"He sells his quills dirt cheap. It's on the ink and parchment that he gets you."

Office carpets,putting green type.

Bird in Flight.

"That was a silly way to split the dung Fred! How are we supposed to roll our share home now?"

Teleshopping

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'