Carpet Critics Gifts

'I told you nylon carpets were a mistake.'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

The Bland Leading the Bland

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"This painting, we're sorry to say, is pure trash."

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

'Here, you're allowed to sharpen your claws to your heart's content!'

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

Sick Exhibitionist

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"Eww! -- Is that the only color bandage you have?"

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

'I love an empty canvas...especially yours...'

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

"A cat wouldn't answer."

'Thanks to me, you can save the money for the cat food from now on and put it into more reasonable investments!'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'Everybody's a critic'

Forth Bridge finally fully painted.

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'

"They should stand."

Office carpets,putting green type.