Carp Connoisseur Pillows

"Y'know, you CAN'T just keep sweeping stuff under the carp forever."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Instructional guide to scribbling

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

About the potter.

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

Thor's Other Tools

Moliere

C Day Lewis.

Charles Dickens.

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Bleak House

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'

'These were developed in the 1980s - they're a heritage genetically modified variety.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'Joe makes all our own funiture!'

'What a gorgeous mug. Did you make that by hand... or by foot?'

Ok, I know a sarcastic slow clap when I hear one.

"Leftover seeds."

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

'Would you like it rare, very rare or still running? We close in twenty minutes.'

Craft Floss

Sewing A Christmas Dress.

Ground Game!

"Oh yes sir, white collar—very tender."

"I wish I could do hands..."