Carol Avoider Gifts

Do we have to do this every time carol singers come around?

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Non-Denominational Carols

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Sawdust.

"Shouldn't you be studying?

Nervous at a party.

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

"I still haven't cleaned up from the party."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Choirboy

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

Election Cancelling Headphones

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

Christmas choir

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."